Bittersweet
by flame81
Summary: InuKag, SM The final battle is won, everything should be alright, right? But what if Kagome turns Kikyou human again to make Inuyasha happy? And if she lost therefore something important?
1. Authors Note

Authors Note:

This is my first attemp on a fanfic written in english. It is also my first IY fanfic. I am from germany and besides some brief visits I stayed never long within an english speaking country. Besides I have never learnt how to write, means of course I can write, but I never studied the art to write fascinating stuff someone would love to read. Instead I study natural science (more or less). I havent written for a long time, except for some fantasy novels and some Buffy fanfiction, and everything was written in german, nothing. It isnt as easy as I thought it would be for me to switch the writing language because I live with reading english a long time now (nearly every fanfic and every paper thats worth reading is written in english). The point of my rambling is that I am very unsure of my writing ability and I am even more unsure of my english-writing ability. Therefore please review and tell me when Ive done anything wrong, grammar spelling context whatever. Just dont flame. You dont help me if you just say the story suck.. please include your opinion why you think so and perhaps what I should change to make it less sucky..

Anyone wants to beta? Please write me! I can use all the help I can get ^_^

About the plot: As Ive said, this is my first IY fanfic. I have seen the anime up to the 30th, never read the manga but I know the plot until anime ep.128 and the last published manga-chapter because I have read the summaries and translations. Therefore some facts mentioned in the story could be slightly changed but should coincide mostly. I also love Kouga, he plays a more or less major part in the story, but this is still an IY/Kag fic so dont worry! I too hate Kikyou. I think she is a self centered bitch that has done nothing to earn IY affection. But since I wanted her out of IY/Kag's way I have saved her so she will hopefully stay away a long time. Less bitchy means less interfering with my pairing. And then there would be Sesshomaru. Well he just will not appear in this story, thats for sure. Everybody else might or might not but he is out. And last but not least, all the major characters I wanted to kill died within the first chapter. This will probably give the angst away, but this I just have to risk. Doesnt mean its going to have a fluffy bunny happy ending, just that nobody is going to die.

I have outplanned a somewhere around ten chapters arc, every chapter 2000-2500 words and I try to write at least one or two chapters a week, althought university starts again on monday and I am not sure how many time I have left over. Thats all, any questions? Just ask I try to answer asap ^_^

flame 


	2. Vita mii mors est death is my life

Bittersweet

Chapter One: *Vita mii mors est - your death is my life*

***

AN: I now have two betas, xnycz azn angelx and Dee, who is the greatest beta ever!!! She suggested a list of the japanese words I'm going to use. So here it is:

Miko - priestess (like Kaede, Kagome, Kikyou)

chan - endearment 

san, sama - formal salutation

houshi - salutation for priests

hanyou - half demon (like Inuyasha)

youkai - demon

Kami - a spirit, like god 

Whenever I use something new I will add it. I also will try not to use a lot of these words because it is a story written in english, it would be slightly unfair to expect a degree in japanese to read it. 

I have deleted the next two chapters because they were unbetaed. I post them again when I think they won't frighten the readers away, hopefully next week. I really try to do the writing thing better so please be patient with me. On with the story...

*** 

Kagome watched the battle, which took place in front of her. The rice fields and trees that had been there were destroyed, only an ever-present layer of gray, lifeless ash was seen. She looked for her friends and discovered Sango, who held the body of her dead brother in her arms. The demon slayer sobbed uncontrollably and pressed her face against his chest. The sad noise she made resounded in Kagome's ears. More tears shed because of the evil that was Naraku, she thought. 

The young Miko stared at the jewel shard in her hand. It was the one that belonged to Kohaku, whom Sango now was mourning. He had pulled it out of his back during a brief moment Naraku had lost control over him. Kohaku had seen his sister and had decided to never hurt her again. Now he laid there, dead in her lap. Sango was now the last of her family. 

Kagome tensed her fist around the shard and suppressed the tears that threatened to fall. The battle wasn't over; there were still enemies to fight off. 

Not far away from where she stood amidst the ashes was Miroku. He was defending himself against the last few of Naraku's hornets from hell. His left leg was broken, but he still held out. Watching this, Kagome started to run to help him to destroy the demons. _'I will not stay and watch my friends hurting more!_' She hadn't come very far when suddenly a black flash went down between her and the monk. 

"Where do you want to go, little girl?" The evil voice of the half demon Naraku echoed menacingly behind her. She turned just in time to dodge another flash. Her skin was covered in dirt and blood, but she managed to stand up and face the vicious source of all the woe around her. 

"Naraku..." she growled with gritted teeth. 

"That's the name, little wannabe Miko. If you give me your shards now, your death won't be to painful." He grinned, but his cold dead eyes never showed any emotion. 

Despite her overwhelming fear, Kagome stood upright. "Never!" she said and felt the Miko powers in her veins. The shards around her neck and in her hand glowed purple and an ethereal aura appeared around her. 

"I will not surrender, you will never get the Shikon No Tama, because I won't let you!" She shouted bravely. Her long hair waved around her head, her eyes were full of energy.

Naraku wrinkled his mouth, furious. '_How dared this little nothing to resist me?! I am the mightiest demon that has ever strolled the earth! HOW DARE SHE??!!'_

He lifted his arms above his head and with supernatural speed leaped at the girl. His left hand was clawed and directed at her heart. There was no way for Kagome to dodge the attack so she took a deep breath and shielded herself from the claw with crossed arms. 'I'm going to fight this monster. Long enough has he played his sick games with us.' Resoluteness filled her mind. The aura around her pulsed even brighter and sparks splattered when she met the full force of Naraku's wrath.

That moment the world around her became blurred. She couldn't make out her friends, who were strewn at large around the field of ash. She couldn't see the change of Naraku's facial expression from pure fury to something like anxiety while he tried to break her shield. Punching the purple barrier, rage grew within him. This was the only obstruction in his path to killing the Miko, finally. 

On the other side of the battlefield Inuyasha just killed the last of Naraku's henchmen as he forced the power of Tessaiga through the skull of the big, ugly demon. Suddenly he sensed the Miko power that radiated from Kagome and looked up in time to see another of Naraku's mighty blows recoil from her aura. As fast as he could, he jumped in direction of the girl, afraid she wouldn't hold on any longer.

' _Kagome!_' screamed his heart. "Kagome!" He couldn't bear to see her in such immense danger. '_Stupid bitch! She should have waited at the edge of the field! Why does she always ignore me?'_ He sped up, afraid to not reach her in time.

Suddenly he came to halt in mid-jump and faced away from Kagome. His nostrils fluttered when he smelled the most precious scent that belonged to his former love. Kikyou was near. 

There she stood among some dead bodies of evil servants. Her eyes linked with his and all he could feel was relief. '_She is still alive._' Her long, black hair flowed in the wind behind her, as did her Miko robes. '_Kikyou..'_ Inuyasha stared in wonder for part of a second. Then he remembered the other girl. ' _I don't have time for you now. I have to save Kagome first. But please, don't leave me again._' He pleaded silently. But before he could turn to run the last meters towards Kagome, she lifted one arm and indicated him to approach. His eyes opened wide and became empty. Kagome's fight forgotten, he followed her order.

Although Kagome couldn't see them, her range of vision still blurred by the purple energy around her, she instinctively sensed the presence of her past incarnation. The parts of her soul that were still with the ancient Miko tried to embrace her spirit, to be complete again. She turned her head slightly and it was enough to see the shapes of both, Kikyou and Inuyasha deeply intertwined. Her eyes went wide and her heart broke just a little bit more.

'_I should have known it.._' she thought. '_He will always go back to her. He doesn't care if I am fighting or dying. He just wants to be with he_r..' 

The barrier that surrounded her began to weaken. Naraku, who watched close, smiled evilly. His chance to break through would come soon. His attacks grew fiercer, only a few more blows were needed to break through. 

Kagome was lost; all her will to win disappeared with her growing despair. She was alone. Inuyasha wouldn't come to help her; he has finally chosen Kikyou to be with. Kagome would always only be the unworthy reincarnation of his beloved_._

The aura that surrounded Kagome shrank more and more until Naraku could see a little hole right there where her heart was. He gained all his strength for one final attack.

With an unhuman cry of pleasure, Naraku rushed forward as fast as possible. His face was warped in viciousness as he aimed for the heart of Kagome. His clawed hand passed the purple energy aura that encompassed the deadpanned girl. Just as his finger touched the fabrics of her shirt Kagome was torn out of her lethargy. The feeling of fear was overwhelming and panic got the best of her; furthermore, she just felt sadness and loneliness. It was to late. '_ I'm going to die._' 

Her eyes turned in the direction of Inuyasha and Kikyou, still embraced. Eventually she let them rest on the hanyou, who had become the love of her life. '_Good Bye Inuyasha.._' Her last thoughts should be of him.

Suddenly Naraku's evil grin vanished and he was thrown back some meters. Between him and Kagome laid Kaede on the ground crooked with pain. The old woman had watched the battle of the young Miko and the evil demon. When she had seen the barrier falter she had rushed in the middle of them to save the girl's life. 

"Kaede-sama..?" Kagome's voice sounded distant and despaired. Kaede squirmed slightly until she could see the girl's eyes. A big wound, like a hole, was in the front of her body just where her ribcage ended. Thick streams of blood poured from the gash.

"You have to defeat this monster, daughter, this is your duty. You have the strength.." she coughed, weakened fast. "Look inside of you, use the jewel. I know you can do it... be... strong..beloved.." With these words on her lips she died laying in the now bloodied ash in front of Kagome. 

All the things had happened so fast, Kagome's thoughts and feelings were in turmoil. Rage coursed through her, as she saw the now dead body of her surrogate mother and teacher. _'He has killed her. He has killed her! He is going to die.'_ Nothing but this thought was left in her mind.

Her senses grew keener and she could feel the ache of her wounded friends. The tears still streamed down Sango's face mourning her brother, although she now watched Kagome. Miroku leaned exhausted with his broken leg against Kirara, who was covered in cuts and blood, one of her eyes painfully shut. In front of them laid the last of Naraku's poisonous insects, dead. Shippo laid on the other side of a little hill, formerly covered with green trees and grass. He was unconscious, but she could sense his heart beating.

'_You will never hurt one of my friends again. No more dying today, besides you.' _

Inuyasha floated now above the reopened entrance to hell, together with Kikyou. They were tightly interlaced, unalert to the world around them. When Kagome watched Inuyasha's gentle look directed at Kikyou, the rage she felt for Naraku was joined with longing and sadness.

"Well well, finally I got the old hag and you will be the next!" Naraku grinned, full of hatred and gathered his strength to attack again. 

This was the last stroke needed. Inside of Kagome something snapped and the flood broke through. Rage and power flowed through her body, the purple barrier pulsed again brightly, back at its old strength, growing stronger. And then she felt the spark, her parts of the Shikon No Tama glowing hot against her chest. And not just her shards, Naraku too felt the power that radiated from her. His shards pulsated in beat with Kagome's. Fright spread out, visisible on his face. Kagome was lost in her world of feelings and impressions, finally connected to the jewel. She now knew so many things. She saw the fighting souls inside the jewel, saw Midoriko's purity, and she saw her own power. She knew what to do. With one motion of her hand she called all the Shikon shards toward her and all of them followed. Naraku's body was torn apart when the shards, like little spikes, breached his flesh. He was covered in blood. '_Just like my friends.. ',_ Kagome thought satisfied.

When the last shard was reassociated the jewel of four souls shone in front of her, completed, back to his perfect round shape. The light radiating pulsed in time with her heartbeat as she closed her eyes and concentrated on her task. Weakened from the loss of his shards Naraku could do nothing but watch terrified when a bright flash emitted from the Shikon No Tama and went straight in his direction. When it reached him, he cried out a last time, frustrated with defeat. 

Kagome had used the energy flash to purify Naraku's demons. His human half was so intertwined with the demon power that it couldn't stand the loss. After only seconds nothing was left of the former human Onigumo and his unholy agreement with the demon hordes. Relief coursed through her.

But when she turned away, towards Inuyasha and Kikyou, she sighted. '_There are still things left to do_.' Both were inattentive of Naraku's defeat. They stared at only each other, levitating above Kikyou's sinkhole. 

Silence flew trough Kagome. The ethereal aura, that surrounded her was now bright like the sunshine. She took some steps towards the two lovers, the completed jewel hovering above her hand. 

_'I don't want him to die._' she thought sadly. '_I want him to be happy even when it's not with me._' She tilted her head contemplative. _'It hurts to see them together, but I want him to live. Kikyou is his first love, they went through so much. They both deserve to be happy again_.'

With these thoughts she straightened her back and closed her eyes again. She now held the jewel with both hands high above her head and concentrated on the power that flooded her veins and the Shikon No Tama. With all her energy and love, she sent a bright, pink light towards Inuyasha and the dead Miko. The light was absorbed by their bodies and the entrance Kikyou had created foundered. Inuyasha's eyes fell closed. Slowly he was separated from the Miko's body of clay and bones and laid down gently on the ground. He looked like he was sleeping, huddled up in a fetus position. Kagome opened her eyes again and it was the most peaceful thing she had ever witnessed. She took a deep breath and a single tear escaped her eye. She then directed the light of the jewel towards Kikyou's shape above the ground. Seconds and minutes passed and the body absorbed all the energy Kagome could sent. The friends who now had gathered around her, watched astonished when the jewel decreased more and more. With one final bright flash the last energy that was the former jewel of four souls vanished in the direction of Kikyou. The Miko sunk to the ground beneath Inuyasha, motionless, sleeping. In the distance Kagome could hear her heart beat steadily.

When her task was fulfilled, she smiled a contented little smile and collapsed to the ground. 

The battle was over, Naraku defeated, and the jewel had vanished from the face of earth. The friends who had witnessed, were amazed at the display of power. They gathered around the young Miko, who had saved them all. The dead bodies of Kaede and Kohaku were placed on litters to transport them back to the village where they would be buried honorably. Shippo who wasn't awake yet was cuddled by Sango. He wasn't hurt badly besides a lump on the head, he would heal. As would the others. No one spoke much. Miroku was brought by Kirara, starring in wonder at his now wholesome hand. His wind hole had disappeared with the death of Naraku. And for the first time in her life Sango hugged him dearly, sobbing on his shoulder and for the first time in his life Miroku didn't react like a lecher tried to grope her. 

Inuyasha was the first to awake again. He arose to his feet and looked down at the sleeping form of Kikyou. His eyes were wide in wonder when he heard her heart beating and smelled her full of life again. He turned around to see Kagome arouse too, circled by their friends. _'Thanks to Kami, they are alive!' _

He looked back towards the revived Miko and made a resolve. Affectionately, he discarded a strand of her long silky hair from her cheek, knelt down and lifted her up. Her light body in his arms he jumped away across the field of ash, avoiding the dead bodies of demons that laid all over the place. He finally disappeared behind the horizon, Kagomes look on his back. 

More hugs were shared and more tears shed until they begun their way back. Kagome walked behind them deep in thought. 

_'Tomorrow I will go back to my world, where I belong. There is no reason to stay here any longer_.' she sighted sadly. '_I will miss my friends. And Inuyasha. I won't regret the time with him here. I know I've done the right thing. They belong together and surely they will be happy.._.' She put her hand above her heart and clenched it into a fist. '_What if they find out? I don't want them to worry._' She snorted softly, lifted her head and starred towards the horizon into the light of the rising morning sun, wondering how many days were left until she would feel the loss of her parted soul.

END PART ONE

***

Dees Note: This took me well over forty-five minutes to beta, DEFINITELY, one of my best works. I'm proud of myself. ^^; Heck, it's not even my story, I just checked the grammar. Slightly sad, but then again, maybe not. 


	3. the dreams, departs

Bittersweet

Chapter Two: *the dreams, departs*

***

There are gains for all our losses, 

There are balms for all our pain,

But when youth, the dream, departs,

It takes something from our hearts,

And it never comes again 

- 'And it never comes again' by Stoddart - 

***

Nothing ever goes the way it's planned. And so Kagome was two days later still in the little village that over the years had become their refuge. At first she wanted to wait until her dear mentor Kaede was put to rest along with Sango's brother Kohaku. So she stayed another day. She never told anyone of her plans to leave and so no one got suspicious. 

Then, Miroku and Sango announced they wanted a life together and they wanted to build a house here. Over the last years of shard hunting, bantering, and lecher defense, they had grown close. Kagome had known Sango liked the monk dearly and believed that it went even beyond just 'liking'. Miroku's proposal finally broke the dam. He stated his love for Sango in front of nearly the entire village and begged her to spend her life with him; to have a home and a family again, together. Sango hadn't known what to say and ran away. Miroku had followed and later on the exterminator told Kagome why she had finally agreed with the proposal. 

Miroku had told her about all his fears considering the black hole in his hand. He would have died soon, if they hadn't defeated Naraku. Although he liked the female body and especially Sango's very much, all the grabbing and flirting with other girls was mainly to hold Sango at bay so she wouldn't be hurt when he died or even worse, if she had a fatherless child.

The two girls spoke while bathing in one of the hot springs in the woods around their new home. Sango's face was covered with streaks of the tears that fell during her confession. It was then she had requested Kagome to stand by her side when she and Miroku would marry. Kagome felt all the emotions and happiness behind this plea and couldn't say no so she decided to stay just a few days longer until the house was built and Sango and Miroku married. 

During the first day and the burials Inuyasha had come back, without Kikyou. Nobody knew what happened to her and although Miroku was very curious, he stayed in bed due to his broken leg and couldn't get out in the woods to ask the hanyou. Sango thought it was Inuyasha's right to tell what happened when he wanted too, not too late, of course because her best friend could get hurt. But to her surprise, Kagome didn't show any interest; not even in Inuyasha himself. Shippo, although young, become aware of her behavior, but he was happy to have all the attention Kagome could give and so he didn't interfere. As often as Sango or Miroku tried to speak to the girl about Inuyasha, something happened that required her full attention or she just walked away without answering any questions.

***

"I wonder what's up with Kagome, Houshi-sama." Sango asked Miroku the next evening in their hut. It was without any furniture, besides the two futons, but the roof and the walls were ready so they stayed here. 

The monk cringed as he heard the formal salutation.

"Do you still have to call me that?"

Sango smiled and cuddled closer to him. "Old habits die hard. Now, what do you think about how Kagome-chan is acting? She seems so spacey and sad all the time."

Miroku sighed. These thoughts were on his mind too, but he had no idea what evoked this strange behavior in their friend. He suspected it has something to do with Inuyasha and the disappearance of Kikyou. 

"I really don't know what's wrong with her. Every time I try to talk to her she just turns and walks away like I have never asked or she smiles and says there is nothing to worry about."

"The same happened to me. I have the feeling it is because of Inuyasha and Kikyou. You know Kagome loves him, right?" 

Miroku sighed again. "Yeah it was very obvious; during our journeys, she fell in love with him. But why doesn't she talk? He has been back for two days from wherever he was and they still haven't talked."

"I don't think it's his fault, well besides the carrying Kikyou away without telling someone, but he tried to talk to her and she did the same to him like she did with us. The only one she really seems to enjoy herself around was little Shippo. And I can tell Inuyasha isn't happy about that either."

Silence unfurled in the room, only Kirara's light purring was heard. The sky grew dark and the only light came from a small flame. Sango turned her head carefully so as not to hurt the wounded leg of her lover. She brushed her hand slightly over his cheek and he leaned in to hug her. He closed his arms around the woman he cared so much about, and in the attempt to ease her worries about the girl they both loved like family, he told her: 

"Don't worry, perhaps she is just homesick. She stayed this time longer than ever because of the battle. She must miss her own time and her family. When she comes back the next time everything will be fine again, you will see." His soft voice lulled the Sango slowly to sleep. Her last thoughts before sleep overtook her were directed at the young Miko. 'I_ hope he is right, but I fear for you Kagome, please speak to me again.'_

***

The same evening, Kagome sat on top a gentle hill not far away from the village to watch the sun set. She did this a lot these days, sitting somewhere alone for herself thinking about everything that had happened. 

And every time she was alone, she scolded herself for being so closed off from her friends and for not letting the past be past. '_Why can't I forget everything?'_ She sighed quietly. '_Perhaps when I am back in my time I will be able to go on and to leave him behind. But do I really want to forget him?'_ It wasn't the first time she asked herself this question and the answer hadn't changed by now. She lifted her head to catch the last beam of sunlight this day. The land before her was covered in soothing colors and a few minutes later the pale half moon and the dim fireplaces were the only things seen. '_Since I've known Inuyasha, I am no longer afraid of the darkness; he was always there to protect me.'_

"Kagome!" A loud shout behind her startled her and she turned towards the intruder of her peace. 

Her eyes widened and filled with recognition as she looked at the man that stood there, wearing a worried expression.

"Kouga?" asked Kagome in wonder. The last time she had seen the wolf prince was when he had lay hurt by Naraku aside the ash field. He had given up his shards to Kagome previously and when Naraku had attacked that fateful day he was knocked off as one of the first, missing his quickness and strength.

Now he stood there, obviously healthy again, grinning at her with that boyish smile she had always liked him for.

"Kouga is that you? Why are you here? Has something happened?" She asked again, slightly worried.

He knelt in front of her and took her hands into his palms.

"I wanted to ask you if you would come with me now, Kagome. There are no more shards left to be hunted down with your help. You don't have to stay any longer with the dog turd." As he stated it, it didn't sound like a question.

Kagome just stared and him again, wide eyed. He always knew how to say the most ridiculous things and she started to giggle for the first time in days.

Now it was Kouga's time to watch confused. After some minutes Kagome kept her countenance again. She faced him softly smiling.

"Kouga, I want to thank you for all the things you have done for me. If you hadn't give up your shards we probably couldn't have defeated Naraku," she said kindly. "But I will be going back home soon. You know I don't belong in this time and I don't belong to anyone in this time either..." a sad expression flushed her face. "Please understand this, ok?" she closed her little speech.

If this was the general occasion, Kouga would most likely presume Kagome's speech to be about how she was sad not to be with him and that she didn't have enough confidence to ask him if she could stay with him. And he would have soothed her and told her she didn't have to worry, he would always be there for her and they would live happily ever after. 

But Kouga wasn't as unobservant as people seemed to believe. He had known it deep down in his heart the whole time that Kagome didn't love him. Her heart belonged to the pigheaded hanyou and that this wasn't something he could fight to change. So he settled for just embracing her and held her tight in his arms to show her he accepted this.

"I know, Kagome, just couldn't stop to give it a try. Not even for old time's sake, huh?" he grinned at her, cupped her head in his hands before he leaned down to kiss her gently on her forehead. Then he sat down besides her and together they watched the hearth-lit valley.

This moment Kagome realized how grown up they all had become these last years. Kouga had gone from self-centric semi-hero-jerk to a trustworthy friend, Sango and Miroku would marry soon, she herself had learned to deal with her fate and accept it. Even Inuyasha changed. He had learned to trust again, to let someone in his heart and he was probably very happy with Kikyou now. Kagome remembered what her mother had told her at her 17th birthday. She had said that she was so proud of her, so proud of how well she managed her life here and on the other side of the well. 

She sighed and stood up. "I will go back now, Kouga. It's getting cold outside. If you want to stay, Sango and Miroku are going to be married soon. I think they would welcome you, too." She held her hand to the wolf prince to help him up.

He reached for it but instead of pulling he used his own fluid strength to stand beside her. He again covered her hands with his bigger ones.

"Your hands are cold." he said. Then he looked her in the eyes again. "Sorry, Kagome, but I have to go back to my clan. There aren't a lot of us left since the fight with Naraku and we have to reclaim our borders. I hope we will see each other again and if you ever have enough of dog-boy just cry loud and I'll be there." He said it with a certain seriousness that made her smile again.

"Sure, Kouga, I will. You will have a good life. I am still a miko and I can see it. You will be happy." His answer was a happy smile of his own and together they made their way to the village. Not handholding but in comfortable nearness and silence, like old friends. When they stood only a few feet away from Kaede's hut, where now Shippo and Kagome lived, he turned toward her and took her hands again. 

"Thank you for the blessing Kagome-chan. Good bye!" He hugged her a second time this evening and jumped away into the dark. She stood there some more minutes and watched the spot where he had disappeared not realizing the cold wind outside at all. Finally she opened the door to the hut quietly, stepped in and closed it again, leaving the spirits of the night to themselves.

***

Not far away from the cottage sat Inuyasha on one of his favorite trees, observing Kagome. He had heard the whole conversation between Kouga and Kagome and more than once he just wanted to jump down and separate the two. But then Kagome had said all those things and to his surprise Kouga, didn't answer with his usual indecency. They had parted as friends and nothing more. Although the second hug still made him grit his teeth, he knew he had no right to disturb them then. He just wished Kagome would talk to him again the way she had talked to Kouga; that she wouldn't go stiff every time she noticed him, and even when she couldn't see him at all. He had sensed it himself; he smelled a certain rigidity, like all her muscles tensed when he was near. He had never smelled it before. And sometimes when he had gathered enough courage to approach her, she would just turn away. It was frustrating.

He knew Miroku and Sango wanted to talk about Kikyou with him, but he wanted to talk to Kagome first. If she just would let him. Perhaps he had to make her listen to him. She had to tell him why she was angry or whatever she was. 'Yes, tomorrow I will ask her and she will listen to me! I won't let her run away from me anymore; I don't want to loose her...' 

END PART TWO

  
  


  
  


  
  


  



	4. Summer Days

Bittersweet

Chapter Three: "Summer Days"

***

In summer when the days were long

We walked together in the wood:

Our heart was light our step was strong

Sweet flutterings were therein blood

In summer when the days were long

- Anonymous –

AN: WOW, thanks for all those reviews! They really got me to write more so soon! ^_^ About the OOCness of Inuyasha in the first chapter.. well I will explain this and where they went within the next few chapters. Believe me, it wasn't as OOC as it sounded. As far as I know IY had done just this few times, running away from Kagome because of Kikyou or on search for Kikyou or to save Kikyou *blibbediblahblah*.. Besides it belongs to the plot ^_^ 

And big big thx to my betas xnycz azn angelx and Dee!!!

'_blahblah_' = thoughts

***

It was a beautiful morning. Kagome stepped outside Kaede's old hut, which now belonged to her, and stretched her aching muscles. Somewhere on the other side of the road a cock crowed. Today they would finish the preparations for the wedding that would take place tomorrow. She waved back to a woman that went by. Since they had defeated Naraku all the village inhabitants were friendlier than ever before. Perhaps it was also due to the fact that Inuyasha hasn't showed up. At least presently, he wasn't as violently as he before. 

She shook her head to chase the upcoming thoughts about the hanyou away. There was a lot to do today, and she wouldn't allow herself to drift away as had happened the past days. The wedding was to celebrate the final commitment of Sango and Miroku, her best friends, and she wasn't going to ruin this.

When she turned to reenter the hut, she saw a red flash in the corner of her eye. Her mouth twisted slightly remembering her vow not to think of Inuyasha anymore, a vow which she kept breaking. '_What is he still doing here? Shouldn't he be back with Kikyou and be happy with her? Well, Sango and Miroku are his friends too; perhaps he will just attend the wedding. At least he isn't here with Kikyou. I am not sure if I could stand this.'_ She shrugged and went to make breakfast for Shippo and herself.

***

After breakfast Kagome and Shippo went to visit Sango and Miroku in their cottage to offer their help. The young Kitsune sprinted ahead, chasing after some village-kids, doing kitsune tricks once in a while to entertain them. Afresh Kagome wondered how much the village people had changed. They now accepted them all even considering they were social outcasts; two demons, a soon to be married monk, a female demon exterminator, a Miko from the future, and a violent hanyou. She had known that they tolerated them in the past due to Kaede's interaction and now that Kaede was dead it still surprised her that nothing had changed at all, even became better for them. If there was a place for Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kirara for life, it was here. She cared for her friends and for Shippo like he was her own son. Knowing they would be save, reinforced her decision to leave soon. The sooner she left the less hurt everybody would be. And no one was going to find out about the deal with her soul.

They reached the hut, and the young Miko straightened her back before she knocked on the door.

"Come in, Kagome," Sango called.

As they entered Sango and Miroku still had breakfast. It was amazing how close they had grown since the proposal and how they showed it with little gestures like now. Sango sat besides Miroku, as near as she could get without sitting on his lap while he still had the broken leg. And she fed him, which he obviously enjoyed very much.

Kagome smiled at the sight and sat in front of them with Shippo cuddling to her chest.

"We're here to help you with the mating." Shippo said happily.

Kagome and Sango watched him stunned while Miroku had to suppress the giggles that nevertheless escaped.

"Shippo," Kagome took him in her hands and turned him to face her. "The....um.... mating will be much later." She and Sango both flushed at the thought of this. "We will only have a little festival to honor the bond between them. There will be a lot to eat and the whole village will celebrate and there even will be fireworks." She sat him back in her lap and started to pet his head.

"Fireworks? Oh I love them, can I make some too? I am really good at it, they are a kitsune-invention you know?" he shouted enthusiastic.

"Of course Shippo," Sango told him smiling. In Shippo's view of the world nearly everything was a Kitsune-invention. "We need them tomorrow evening. Do you have all you need?"

And so they started to plan the next day and the festival they were going to arrange.

During the planning both Miroku and Sango tried to bring Inuyasha up but whenever he was mentioned Kagome become stiff and changed the theme immediately. Shippo often helped with wild jumping all around the hut and distracting them.

When they got ready with the planning, they went to the different tasks they had attended. Kagome would, with the help of some village girls, decorate the place in the middle of the village and the place in front of the old God tree where the procession would take place. It was as holy as the shrine without bearing the memories of the fresh graves of their dead beloved ones.

***

"Go talk to Kagome-sama now, Sango-chan. She is probably alone on her way to the tree and perhaps you can get something out of her." Miroku suggested the moment Kagome had left the hut.

"Your right, Miroku-chan. Will you be ok?" Sango stood up and hurried to the door, turning again to await his answer.

Miroku smiled brightly at the endearment she had used to address him back. "I will be fine, don't worry. And we will make sure Kagome-sama will be fine too!" he said happy.

Sango donated him a small lovely smile and turned to run and catch Kagome.

***

"Kagome, wait." she called out.

The young girl in front of her turned and stopped when she saw her friend.

"Sango? I thought you would help Miroku prepare the food?" she wondered.

"Hai Kagome-sama, but I wanted to walk you to the tree first." Sango said bowing slightly. Then she took the other girl by the hand and dragged her along the way. When they had passed the last huts they walked more slowly picking up some herbs here and there. Eventually the exterminator gathered her courage and started to speak.

"Kagome-sama I have a question. Why do you ignore Inuyasha-san?" Kagome did what she always did these last few days when anyone asked her about Inuyasha. She straightened her back and took on a cold look.

But this time Sango wouldn't let herself become discouraged, so she laid a hand on the shoulder of the other girl and asked again.

"Please, Kagome. You are so sad sometimes. We all worry about you. Please talk to me again." 

The young Miko was startled at the pleading tone in the voice of her dearest friend and turned around.

'_She has such an honest face; she never could conceal her hurt and sadness very well, although Inuyasha never seems to notice. Sometimes men are so stupid._' Sango thought.

"Oh, Sango...." suddenly Kagome hugged her as if her live depended on it and tears flowed freely

"Sango, I will leave soon and I will miss you all. I am so happy for you and Miroku." She sniffed. She really wanted to cry over this, but it was not the main reason she felt the way she did. Yes, she was happy but she was also sad. She couldn't tell Sango everything, though. They would worry even more, and she couldn't do this when they were all so happy now.

Sango held her close. She could sense that this wasn't all so she started again.

"Kagome, my dearest friend, we will miss you too, we all, especially Inuyasha...." Immediately the tears stopped pouring and the Miko took a step back.

With an odd emotionless voice she said, "He is happy now with Kikyou. The Shikon No Tama made her human you know, so they can be together again." She left out the part where she worked the jewel to do so and where she donated over half of her soul to Kikyou. "I am sure he won't even realize if I am still here or not." She took another step back and wiped the last tears away with her hand. Her gaze was about to drift away again when she heard Sango.

"You know, he watches you all the time since he came back from wherever he was. He won't talk to anyone about it but wherever you are he isn't far away. Yesterday I even saw how he scared some pigs away you were about to run into." She closed the gap between herself and the now quivering young girl and began to stroke her hair lightly.

"He cares for you, Kagome-chan. Perhaps he is just too afraid to confess his feelings?"

Kagome rested her head carefully on the other girl's shoulder, thinking about what she had heard. _'But it was so easy for him to confess his feelings for Kikyou. Kami, he said he would go to hell with her! I don't think he feels anything beyond friendship for me and sometimes I doubt even this_.'

Together they sat down beneath an old tree, onto a tree-stump. Their fingers were entwined and the miko's head still leaned on Sango's shoulder. Then she answered slowly.

"I don't think he has and ever will have any feelings beyond friendship for me. This isn't the point. He made his decision and I have made mine." '_Trading my soul to bring Kikyou back so they could be happy together._' "I just don't know what about to talk to him and he never approached me since he came back." This, she knew, was only halfway true, since she had avoided him wherever she could and she was sure he could smell her rigidness too. "I only miss my family. The whole wedding thing keeps reminding me of my family, but I know when I'm back I will miss you too." she ended and sniffed one last time.

'Well this was something, but not everything' Sango thought. '_Perhaps Miroku should have a talk with Inuyasha too. I know he feels more for Kagome than he let on, he is always so jealous around her but he finally has to tell her, or he will lose her soon._'

They stood up again after some more hugs and made the rest of the way towards the god-tree in silence. Kagome indulged in her thoughts of Inuyasha, and Kikyou, and Sango plotting how to bring the hanyou and the Miko together at last.

***

They all met together during midday to picnic. They found a nice little glade not far away and settled down to eat. Everyone had brought a little bit of food such as rice balls and okonumiaki, some fruits, and ramen. Sango went to get fresh, cool water from a nearby spring. During her walk she felt the familiar presence of demon, or better, half-demon.

"Come down already, Inuyasha." She called him.

He plopped in front of her to the ground.

"What do you want, Sango?" he asked gruffly.

'_At least he talks to me, its more than I had expected_' she thought.

"Would you like to eat with us?" she asked politely.

He thought a moment about it. '_I wanted to talk to Kagome, but since this has to wait after lunch any way, when we are alone, I could at least eat something myself._'

"Do you have ramen?" was his crusty answer.

Sango smiled at him. "Yes, Kagome brought it!" and dragged him along just as she had done earlier with the Miko.

***

The meal went well, considering Kagome and Inuyasha ignored each other mostly as they ignored the attempts of the soon-to-be-wed couple to bring them to talk with each other. Shippo has run away when he realized Kagome was busy with not speaking to Inuyasha and when Sango waved to Miroku, the couple left too, leaving the hanyou and the Miko alone. Kagome tried to follow them but since Sango had to help Miroku with his leg she was the only one left to gather their belongings. She peered at Inuyasha, who silently played with his last ramen. Sometimes life sucked, she sighed.

Suddenly Inuyasha looked up, dispatching the rest of his meal. His eyes looked gently towards her and she could do nothing but stare back. Then he tilted his head slightly.

"We have to talk, Kagome." Inuyasha said bluntly.

'_This is going to be a long afternoon,'_ Kagome sighed and ducked her head.

END PART THREE

***

AN: Originally this chapter should include 'the talk' but I thought it would grow to long and this seemed like a natural cut. Bad cliffhangers *MWAHAHAHA*, but don't worry, the next chapter is already written, it will be up when it's betaed! Oh and due to my sucking timetable (*grrargh*) I only will be able to write like one chapter a week. I wish I had more time *sigh*


	5. Of mice and men

Bittersweet

Chapter Four: "Of Mice And Men"

***

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,

In proving foresight may be vain;

The best-laid schemes o'mice an' men,

Gang aft a-gley,

An' lae'e us naught but grief and pain,

For promised joy.

- Burns, 'To a Mouse' - 

***

haori = I think this is Inuyasha's clothes

I switch one time to past talks, but I hope it won't be confusing.

AN: Goddess, this was difficult to write (heart wrenching) and took forever due to my sucking timetable. I hope I have caught their feelings the way I wanted without going OOC but I'm not sure if I should feel satisfied with this chapter. The next one will contain the wedding and will be done hopefully next week. Thx again to my betas xnycz azn angelx and Dee! 

***

A long silence laid over them. They longed to talk to each other but neither wanted to speak first. Kagome sat there, with lowered head, across Inuyasha, staring at the ground beneath her feet. Her heart wanted to look at him, to watch his ears twitch like they always did when he was nervous. She loved those little, furry triangles atop his head. She had the feeling they were twitching now. But he had no reason to be nervous around her, did he? Perhaps he would finally tell her to go back to her time. She sighed. He should know he didn't have to tell her this. She knew where she belonged.

His thoughts weren't far away from hers. '_Does she want to go back to her time? Will she leave us here and live her life like it was before we met?_' He didn't know how he should feel. He was sure he would miss her. He always grew restless when she wasn't near him, when he wasn't able to protect her. Her sweet scent could calm him more effectively than anything. '_Does she evade me because she doesn't want me to hinder when she goes through the well?_'

Kagome made the first step. "Why are you here?" A sad little smile graced her lips. Although she now looked at him, her eyes drifted away again.

Inuyasha was stunned. '_She sounds so sad.. Why does she sound sad?_' His mind slowed down with sorrow, couldn't retard his mouth. Hence he reacted like he always did when caught off guard. "What do you mean, bitch, you are here too!" 

"Yeah, I should go then.." She was about to stand up. There was no need at all to actually listen when he would only tell her to go back. She wasn't sure she could hold the tears back, but she refused to cry in front of him. '_I am not this weak. I don't want to make him uncomfortable, because he hates it when girls cry._' Suddenly a clawed hand held her gently down.

"Kagome, why are you acting... like you don't care?" He muttered lowly.

"Like I don't care?" It left her speechless. '_He thinks I don't care?_' She looked perplexed at him. This just didn't sound right. '_The problem never was me not caring enough, it always was that I cared more than I was supposed to._' And then she started to chuckle softly, strangely touched by Inuyashas accusation.

Inuyasha observed her face. Her feelings were written all over it again, changing fast. When she finally chuckled he was relieved beyond all measure. She hadn't answered his question, but perhaps it wasn't necessary anymore when she would open up again. 

"Kagome..?" He asked her when they sat in silence again after some while. It had been a comfortable silence this time.

At once Kagome lifted her head and stared straight into his golden eyes. He was taken aback by this frankness she showed. His ears started to twitch in expectation.

"How is Kikyou? Is she alright now?" 

If anyone else would have ask this Inuyasha would have accused them of false sympathy to satisfy their curiosity. But hearing Kagome speak those words startled him. He looked in her eyes and all he could see there was genuine worry. '_Why does she care so much after all Kikyou had done to her? She nearly killed her a bunch of times but still Kagome worries about her well-being. Has it something to do with Kikyou's sudden change?_'

"What do you know about her?" He asked curious but to her it sounded threatening. She blenched.

"Nothing, it's just.. The jewel.. I could feel it; it wanted to make her human again. Has it worked?" Not exactly the truth but not a whole lie either. Calm down Kagome, think how you can get out of this.

Inuyasha tilted his head slightly, watching her thoughtful. 

"Yeah, I think it worked. Her heart is beating again and she felt warm." Kagome's eyes became wide at his words. '_He knows she felt warm again? Well it hasn't taken them long to get close again..._' she thought afflicted.

Inuyasha being himself just overlooked the change in her attitude. 

"So it was the jewel, eh? Well finally something good it has done!" he announced.

"Yeah.." She took a deep breath to tell him what she should have told him in the beginning.

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha!"

"What for?" he asked surprised.

"The Shikon No Tama. It kinda disappeared... You can't become a full youkai anymore..." she closed the sentence, looking down again. She felt guilty for taking this away from him. After all she has decided to use the jewel to make Kikyou human. And although she had feared his youkai form it hadn't been her right to just ignore his wish.

It was his time to surprise her. "I don't wish to be youkai, or human for that matter, any longer. There are now people who accept me the way I am. I don't need to change to not be alone any longer." '_I have you,_' he added in his mind. 

Eventually a tear slipped her cautious guard and made its way down her cheek. She wasn't foolish enough to think he spoke of her, but the sentimental statement was spoken with an inner contentment that she never thought Inuyasha could ever possess. 

Inuyasha watched the tear leave a wet trail behind. He hated it when girls cried, but he hadn't thought he had said anything wrong. Carefully he caught the tear with his claw before it could fall down. A little electrical jolt went through him when he touched Kagome. She had felt it too.

"Don't cry. There's nothing to cry about." They stared into each other eyes, slowly closing the gap between them. Their lips mere millimeters away. Then Inuyasha deep-breathed and pulled her into his arms. He caressed her awkwardly, soothing her little sobs. She clung to his haori, dazed with his nearness. '_He smells so good. Of wood and grass. I always feel so protected in his arms.' _

Inuyasha buried his nose deep in her hair. '_She always smells so sweet. It calms me like nothing else could do..' _

_'I wish we could stay this way forever..' _she thought.

This brought her back to reality. She looked up, meeting his worried gaze. Suddenly it all was too much. She used her hands which still rested on his chest, and pushed herself away.

Astonished Inuyasha flattened his ears. Anger aroused within him. "What the hell was that for, bitch?! I just wanted to make you stop howling! No need to get pissed!" he yelled at her. More than anger, he felt hurt. She had pushed him away. And it had felt so good to hold her in his arms.

Unimpressed she ignored his growling. "Why aren't you with Kikyou?"

Inuyasha's ears twitched again. He turned away from her gaze, the anger forgotten, and growled softly. He thought back to the time after the battle. How was it that only a few days had passed? So much had happened... 

***

_After the battle, in the near woods_

"Inuyasha?" Kikyou opened her eyes slowly, only to shut them again fast. She laid in Inuyasha's lap, who held her carefully. She concentrated and felt the energy around them, energy of the jewel of four souls. It had almost completely vanished. Then she realized her heart beating. She looked up into Inuyasha's face. Her eyes wide open.

"What happened?" 

He hadn't met her eyes with his gaze until now. "Your heart is beating again. Do you still want to go to hell with me?"

'_Blunt as always_' she thought. But good question. Did she still want to go to hell and get her revenge on the dog demon? Or should she wait until she knew what has happened? She raised her head and smelled the woods surrounding them, heard a small river nearby. The wind whispered in the sheets of the tree they sat in.

"Where are we? Where is Naraku?"

It hadn't escaped Inuyasha that she hadn't answered his question. He let it rest, for now.

"Not far away the battlefield. There is a village this way." He pointed to north. "And Naraku should be dead; although, I haven't seen him die. I can't feel his presence anymore." 

"Dead? How?" she asked curious.

"Never one for a lot of words were you, eh?"

"At least we have that in common, don't you think?" She rested her head on his thigh and enjoyed his warmth. He looked down at her and then back, staring at something beyond the horizon she couldn't see.

"Keh.." He made the typical sound whenever he didn't know what else to say. Kikyou thought it was very calming.

'_Where has my hatred and fury gone? Why do I enjoy his attendance?_' She wondered. Somehow this didn't felt right. He noticed it too.

"You're so strange. Like you were when you were alive." He looked down. "I am glad you're back again." He whispered and buried his nose in her dark strands. '_Why does she reminds me more of Kagome than herself even before Naraku killed us?'_

"Inuyasha? Can you bring me home?"

He tilted his head ready to ask more questions about her changed nature, but when he realized her unsure facial expression he just picked her up. His arms under her knees and shoulders he lifted her and jumped to the ground.

"Where to?" Inuyasha asked Kikyou genuinely.

"There is a village where I was a miko. Suikotsu lived there too." The forgotten feeling of loss and sadness overcame her. The doctor had been a kindred spirit, so much like her.

He watched her face releasing feelings he believed long lost in her. Inuyasha felt so much joy and relief. They were both alive and they could be together now. But another feeling crept in his heart too. '_Kagome...'_

"I know where it is. We will be there soon. Sleep, I will protect you." And then he ran off with unhuman speed, Kikyou in his arms.

***

_Present again, in the woods near Kaede's village_

"She doesn't need me anymore." He said. 

His answer was Kagome's puzzled gaze. She didn't know what to make out of this. Could it really be, that Kikyou didn't want him anymore? Had she broken his heart, again, although they could be happy now?

"I don't understand. I thought you would be together now with her alive and all."

"Keh, what's it matter to you, bitch?" He has said it without thinking, as always his mouth was to fast for his brain. He wanted to say, that it was Kagome he was concerned about, not Kikyou. But he couldn't find the words. What if she rejected his obligations towards her?

Kagome, of course, didn't see his inner turmoil. All she could hear was his anger. 

"You're right. I shouldn't interfere with your life." She stood up and bowed. "I am sorry, Inuyasha."

He looked up surprised. Usually he would be 'sit' at least one time for what he had said. But Kagome actually apologizing was scary. When she was ready to walk away he grabbed her again.

"Since when do you run away so much?" He said slightly annoyed. This got her defensive.

"I don't run away. There is a lot to do until tomorrow because of the wedding. And there is nothing left to say." She tried to free herself from his grip, but he held her firmly and gently, halfway hoping she would 'sit' him just so they could go back like it was before.

"Will you stay here afterwards?" '_Oh please, don't let her leave. Wait. Where did this thought come from?'_ he thought surprised. Then he growled nearly inaudibly. He hated being surprised.

Kagome watchedhim. When she thought she saw something like sadness she was about to tell him she would stay some days more. But then his expression changed and she heard a very faint growl. It convinced her that he wanted her gone. '_Perhaps to fulfill his longing for Kikyou finally, without being responsible for my protection?'_

"Don't worry, I will go home after the celebrations." Again a tear threatened to slip, but she held it back. She couldn't afford to show anymore weakness to him.She couldn't let her need for his strengh ruin his life.

"Oh..ok.." His ears flattened when he heard this. _'She will leeave me so soon.' _Was all he could think of. But perhaps she just missed her family? "When will you come back?" Inuyasha still looked down so she couldn't see his hope-filled eyes, couldn't see how her answer shattered the hope there in thousand pieces.

"I don`t know." It sounded indifferent enough to convince him, that she wouldn't come back soon, if ever. He felt alone so suddenly. 

"Well, then don't come back! Nobody needs you here. There aren't shards left and the search is over!" Hurt provoked anger and his snappish temperament awakened. He'd forgotten their usual banter wouldn't work in her present state.

She just shrugged her shoulders and answered: "In any case I don't think the well will continue to work now that the jewel disappeared. Please don't tell the others. I want to say my goodbye by myself without disturbing Sango and Miroku's wedding." 

The words left Inuyasha shocked. _'I really won't see her again.'_ He let go of her arm and she pushed away from him. Kagome turned and ran as fast as she could towards the village. When she passed Sango and Miroku's hut, both looked up from their work in the garden. Noticing her desolate sight, they shook their heads. 

"So it hasn't worked at all. Why have they both to be this stubborn? It will just make them miserable in the end." Miroku wondered.

"Can't they see how much they care for each other?"

"We just have to make them see it then." Miroku said smiling convincingly at his fiancée.

End Part Four

***

AN: A happy author is a fast-writing author, so review please to make this author happy! It will make come the chapters faster ^_^


	6. Quo Vadis1

Bittersweet

Chapter Five: "Quo vadis? - Where do you go (from here)? [part 1]"

AN: Sorry this chapter took me so long! There were some things that got in the way of my writing time, like me getting pregnant and lots of university stuff... I apologize, although I can't promise the next chapter will come much faster, because I move next weekend and won't have net access until next month.. Sorry! 

All of my chapter titles are taken from some of my favourite written words. The first and this title are latin. I'm sure you all heard of 'Quo Vadis' (there even are some films about it ^_^). IMO it's about having or not having a choice in life, about believing in what you are and what you do, so I thought it would fit. The title of the first chapter is connected with the legend about the pheonix. I'm sure you heard of it too. It's the ancient bird that dies in the flames just to be reborn from its ashes. It is directed to what Kagome did for Kikyou.

And many thanks to levinali and Dee who took up with my bad bad english skills ^.^

***

Inuyasha stood still in the glade, watching the direction where Kagome had left. Besides sinking to his knees he hadn't moved. He was confused and a little bit angry, but overall he felt a numbing sadness. Kagome would leave his world tomorrow and there was nothing he could do about it. And he had the gnawing feeling that there was more to it than she had told him. 

After a while Miroku limped in front of him. Inuyasha hadn't realized the monk's presence until he sat down beside him and put a supporting hand on his shoulder.

"You know, Inuyasha, sometimes I wonder if it would be better for you to just put you foot in your mouth and leave it there." He said shaking his head slightly.

Deep in thought the hanyou hadn't really listened, but when the words penetrated his mind he growled at the monk and bonked him on the head for good measure. It didn't escape Miroku that the motions were merely automatic. Inuyasha wasn't really into it. He realized he needed something more drastic to wake his friend up.

"So. When will you leave to go back to Kikyou? Will you stay till the wedding?" He asked calmly.

Inuyasha's ears twitched upwards at this question. He looked shocked at the monk near him. After the shock came anger.

"What is it with you folk and Kikyou? This isn't your matters! Stop bothering me!" He yelled back.

Unimpressed Miroku just smiled lightly.

"Ah, so Kagome-sama has asked you too about the miko?"

"Leave me alone!" Inuyasha huffed and stood up to walk in front of a nearby tree. He leaned his head back and slipped down the rough bark until he sat again, watching the light of the evening sun play with the leaves above him, sensing from time to time the warmth of the ray lights that reached through the tree crown. He was just about to close his eyes when Miroku startled him again.

"You know she is badly hurt by you, right?" 

"I would never do anything to hurt her." To the monk's surprise he didn't sound angry or annoyed like usual. He sounded as if explaining some fact to a little child who wouldn't know any better.

"You went with Kikyou and left her alone. Again."

"She wasn't alone. She had you. Kikyou had no one but me."

"That's where you're wrong. Kagome is alone. This isn't her world. We may be her friends, but her family lives on the other side of the well. She was born there. You were her connection to this world and you left her." He watched the change in Inuyasha's expression when the dog demon suddenly looked up into the monk's eyes.

"Do you think she belongs back in her world?" Inuyasha asked, suppressing the 'too' that tried to emerge.

Miroku sighted. "I don't know. She seemed happy here, before the battle that is. But now I don't know. She acts so strange sometimes. Sango thought she was homesick, but I think there is something else."

"Yeah? Like what?" Inuyasha asked curiously.

"You and Kikyou for one. We all know she loves you, although she would never admit it to anyone." A sad little smile appeared on the hanyou's face. 'I am not so sure anymore monk.'

"That isn't all, I think. She is so far away sometimes. Not just deep in thought, but like sleeping with open eyes. Her aura changed too, a little. I don't know what to think of it."

"Her aura changed? How?" He was now all ears.

"Like.. It's more like Kikyou's now. It could be due to the power she released within purifying the Shikon no tama."

"You know, monk, she is human now..."

"Who..?" he asked puzzled.

"Kikyou... Kagome said it was the jewel."

"But I thought the Shikon can't act alone, but needed to be wished for."

"You know these things better then me, monk. All I care about is bringing Kagome back to normal." 

"Well, I have to think this over..." Miroku said leaning back against the same tree like Inuyasha. After some more moments the hanyou couldn't hold still any more and rose. He wanted to clear his mind and therefore he needed to run, fast and furious. He stretched and looked down at the monk. It had been a good talk and he was thankful he could speak to someone about his problems, although he hasn't told the monk everything that had happened, yet.

"Thanks for listening." He said and jumped away deeper into the woods.

Stunned Miroku watched him disappear. "This can't be good." He mumbled. "He has never ever thanked me before. Something is very off here and I better hurry finding out what, before someone gets hurt deeply."

***

While Inuyasha was running restlessly through the woods, Kagome sat down on her futon in Kaede's old hut. Her eyes stared blindly on the far side of the room, while she was hugging her knees to her body, holding on dearly. A small tear escaped after some time, leaving a wet trail on her cheek.

"Why are you sad, Kagome?" Shippo asked her and cuddled closer.

"It's nothing" She dried her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt and petted the little one's head. 

"Shippo-chan.." 

He looked sleepily up when addressed and yawned, wondering what was up with Kagome.

"Yeah..?"

"Would you mind living with Sango and Miroku? While I'm not here I mean?"

This wakened him up.

"What do you mean 'Not here'? Are you going through the well again? What has Inuyasha done this time?" He demanded to know in his typical childish manner.

Kagome smiled supporting the kitsune pup in her arms.

"Shippo-chan. You know I have to go back sometimes..." She winced at the thought of lying to the child, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth right now. 'Later, when I've talked to the other two and everything is settled' she thought.

"And with Kaede-sama... away.." It still hurt like hell to think about the passing of the elder miko that had become like her second mother. She gathered her mind again.

"I just thought it would be safer for you to live with them."

She stopped and looked hopefully at the young kid in her arms. She wished for him to be safe after she ... she couldn't bring herself to think about it. She shook her head slightly. These were violent times and in order for Shippo to be protected he had to stay with strong fighters and good friends such as Miroku and Sango. He had to understand this. She watched him full of expectations, while the kitsune thought things through.

He needed some moments to recapitulate what she had said, but the look in her eyes convinced him finally of her genuine worry for him. Well, he had always liked Sango and Miroku, it would be fun to live with them and perhaps he would get some younger playmates soon, too. He thought about what to play with his future siblings and a happy grin spread across his face.

"Don't worry about me, Kagome!" He looked up at the girl. "I would like to live with them and I'm sure there will be a lot of pups for me to play with soon!" 

At this, Kagome giggled quiet, making Shippo even happier. It was the first time he had seen her so joyful in a while and although there still seemed to hover fates dark cloud over her shoulder he would enjoy all the happiness he could give her.

"Let's go to sleep, Shippo. It will be a long day tomorrow." She said kindly and petted his fluffy tail. With soft purring noises the cub fall asleep fast, but Kagome stood awake long afterwards, rethinking the ways her life has gone, leading her here. Saying goodbye to her friends the next day would tear at her heart but she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision, or rather the decisions her heart and soul had made for her; falling for Inuyasha to begin with. 

***

He jumped on a high branch that gave him the perfect opportunity to watch the sun set. The landscape around him was painted with all the rainbow's colors, the watered rice-fields reflected the purple and orange shades of the dying sun. It was a beautiful sight to watch, but it wasn't the reason he was here. After running miles through the enchanted forest that was named after him, he needed some time to rest and think. The tree he sat on was high and he would be warned immediately of any nearing danger. The running had done him good. His body ached pleasantly from the parts he had done on full speed and after some stretching he had forgotten the pain altogether. His thoughts drifted to past events and he wondered when everything had started to fall apart.

  
  


***

_after the battle, near Kikyous village_

"Hold on, Inuyasha. It isn't far away. I think I should walk now." She climbed from his back and watched the direction she would take to get to the village and took some steps away from him. 

'Still ashamed of being seen with me, Kikyou?' the hanyou wondered, but the thought didn't hurt as much as it had done years before, when he hadn't been nailed to a tree by her deadly arrows and left there to rot. Kikyou's voice pulled him from those bitter thoughts.

"I don't know what to think anymore...or to feel." She breathed a little sigh, something she had never done as long as Inuyasha knew her. She always was the strong stoic priestess, never allowed to show any true feelings. This gesture had belonged to Kagome.

Kikyou turned to face him. Her hair flowed in little waves behind her, it was real wind this time, not the magical one that had come with her soul-catchers. Standing there, in the middle of the road she almost looked.. vulnerable? Inuyasha closed the gap between them and put his hand against her cheek, feeling her soft, cold skin. 

"Kikyou..." he muttered. "Will you be alright?" he couldn't help but still want to protect her. She had tried to kill him numerous times and only the Shikon had saved him from her last attempt. And still he felt responsible for her. He couldn't even point exactly why.

She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. His eyes opened suddenly. This was the biggest affection she had ever showed him. In the past he had saved the memory of her touches like precious stones, because it had happened so very seldom and even when her hand or arm grazed him it had been more coincidence than anything.

"Do you want to stay, Inuyasha?" She asked him, eyes still closed, her head now resting in the crook of his neck. A certain longing was audible from her words. 

Inuyasha let her hair run lightly through his fingers behind her back. He knew the answer for her question but he wasn't sure what to say. He always had his difficulties with words. So he settled for not answering at all.

"Will you be safe here?" 

"I think so. The village people respect me and they need my help." When he had said those words she had known his answer too. But they never talked freely about their feelings. It wouldn't change soon.

"I need you too.." he whispered.

"You need my forgiveness.." She opened her eyes and looked up into his golden orbs. She could feel her human heart beating in her chest and she could feel his, near as he was. They didn't beat in sync. "I will forgive you, Inuyasha. I still have to think and remember so much, but I think I should forgive you." His breath was caught in his throat. He never had hoped to hear those words from her. A bang of her hair flowed in her face and he lifted his hand to put it carefully behind her ear.

"Will you forgive me too? For not trusting you when I should have known better?" They hugged now tightly and the words were dampened by his hair, she had buried her face in.

"Yeah.. everything will be ok now.." He said reassuring her and him equally.

"Do you know that she saved my life? Your little girlfriend." She tilted her head slightly.

"What?" He asked stunned.

"Not today, even before. We were trapped by a youkai and I was.. fading away..." She looked towards the sky, the pictures of the past passing through her mind vividly as she told the story.

"I told her to leave me but she refused. She said.." Kikyou swallowed slowly. "That someone would be very sad when I would die.." She looked him now straight in his golden eyes, locked him there with her knowing gaze.

Amazed Inuyasha shook his head, breaking the contact with Kikyou in the end.

"She always thought of others first. That's why I have to save her that damned often." He said with a little rueful, longing smile.

Then he loosened the hug and kissed Kikyou lightly on her forehead. "Goodbye, Kikyou. Will I see you again?"

She frowned slightly, her sight drifting afar. "We will meet again." 'And soon' she added in her mind. There was this feeling inside her. Something important besides her turning human had happened the past day. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew it had to do with the Shikon and the girl that was her incarnation. And Inuysha would never be far away from where Kagome was. 'Something will happen, but until then I will live the life I always wanted.'

Inuyasha waited until she reached the village border. Then without regret he turned and headed off towards his own home. There were other responsibilities he now had to take care of. One of them had beautiful silken hair and soft deer-brown eyes. He had smelled that she was OK after the battle, besides some minor bruises, but he has yet to check on the rest of his friends closely.

***

_present, in the woods_

After the darkness has come he jumped away from the tree he had rested in. When he had realized how tired the emotional encounters of the day had made him he quickly made his way towards Kagome's hut. He wouldn't leave her unprotected while sulking in some faraway tree and so he took his favourite sleeping position upon one of the higher branches where he could watch her sleep during the window. The fire in the middle of the hut was nearly down, but there were still some sparks left that cast unearthly shadows across her body that shifted whenever she moved in her restless sleep. She looked so beautiful, vulnerable, loveable to him, her limbs barely covered with the blanket and the far too little shirt she liked to wear at night. She shivered slightly due to a cold breeze and cuddled closer to little Shippo in her arms, who proceeded to sleep deeply besides being envied by the hanyou outside the cottage.

_'Kagome. What should I do with you?'_ was his last thought before he drifted into a light slumber.

***

AN: that wasn't as long as it should be, because I decided you had to wait long enought so I cut this chapter in two parts ^.^ As you might noticed I believe that IY wasn't in any way responsible for what happened fifty years back. It was Kikyous mistrust and Narakus evil game that brought the misery over them. Oh, and I'm writing currently a little companion piece about Kouga and Kagura and their story after the final battle. I'm pretty excited about it although I know it's not a very well liked couple ^.^

  



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